Tales of a Modern Day Nomad

Travel Tubes

Because I’m the most impatient person I have ever encountered, my advanced brain is continually developing solutions to fix things that impede us from maximizing our time. Red lights gotta go. Appointments at doctors offices need some serious adjusting. The weekend needs to happen sooner with more frequency. International travel needs to be void of jet lag and filled with entertainment. Because the root of my current impatience is deeply embedded in travel, I’ll go ahead and solve that problem right now.

Stephen Hawking is a fink. He can tell us how the freeking universe works, but he has yet to solve jet lag. He can actually define time travel and that it’s sort of possible and the problems it presents, yet he doesn’t design a new craft with more than fifteen inches of knee space in Economy at a cheaper price. Grab an ink pen, Stephen.

Vacume Tube

Travel tubes. Travel tubes are the key to all of our travel woes. What is a ‘travel tube’, you ask? Let me tell you…

‘Travel Tubes’ actually combine three technological advances already in use in industries all of us use every day: Travel, Dentistry, and Banking. I know, I know…sounds impossible, but this is coming from HANO. Bear with me.

First, you have someone (me) who needs to get from A to B in a very timely manner and is willing to pay a meager amount to get there. Introduce a canister of Nitrous Oxide (aka ‘laughing gas’)…I won’t complain if a pretty dental hygienist needs to accompany me so long as she has a delightful laugh. Now this is where I’m really going to blow your minds: Banking.

I’m certain most of you have had this mysterious thing happen. You pull into the ‘drive-thru’ at your bank, and a mysterious voice suddenly fills the passenger compartment of your car. I still wonder where that voice comes from! Sure, my driver’s window is down, but the voice just happens…as though from an invisible apparition…strange. Anyway, the voice commands you to place all of your banking needs into a tube located to the left of your driver’s seat. I always wonder how they know which side of the car to put the tube on. For some reason, it always locates itself just outside my driver’s window!  Whatever it is, it’s so incredibly efficient!   You fill the canister with your banking needs, then suddenly, WHOOSH! It’s gone! I don’t know about you, but I always try and follow the canister through the tube with my eyes as it heads to who-knows-where…then, as suddenly as it was gone, THUD! It’s back! And my entire transaction is complete! And that same sexy voice tells me to have a nice day! I always wonder – what the hell just happened?!

Travel Tube

We need to make this work for us. Imagine a travel tube large enough to house…I don’t know…lets say someone about 6’2″ & 190# with the bluest eyes and a face that looks amazingly similar to mine, a canister of Nitrous, and a pretty hygienist with a lovely laugh and a promise that I’ll floss regularly. One moment I’m here, the next I’m ‘there’.  With no red lights.

Perhaps Hawking, Madoff and I should get together over a Blue Moon and solve all the worlds problems.

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